Post by moose on Jul 26, 2008 0:30:15 GMT -5
I'm known here now. At least in the worst places. The kind that open only at night when the gammers are in their holes and Michel Delving takes on a savage glow that turns hobbit faces sinister and mean, like stubby potato faced apes that dance and caper on the bones of the innocent.
I had taken heroic doses of Celeborn, Sweetleaf and pot of something yellow and vicious I had been given by a crazed Dwarf from the wrong side of Thorin's Hall. He said it was an extract from the toenails of an especially evil and savage troll. The bastard.
I wondered into the Bird and Baby to meet my attorney and champion Salvation. He was a Human and had the sense of a Dwarf but he was reliable like a half-breed dog. This was going to be the kind of night to keep your attorney close by for immediate legal advice and to bribe the right people. The Bounders would come. The bastards always did .
The Bird and Baby is a festering little wound in the heart of the Delving that reeks of stale beer and the wounded soul of a short leaderless people whose place in the world hangs by a thread. The dream of the Hobbits was dying and Bull didn't Roar any longer. They are savage drunkards who will attack without provocation any stranger if they smell weakness.
"Keep your back to the wall", I told my attorney. "These bastards will attack from behind." I could feel something evil and foul in the air.
I looked closer at him. He had the glazed expression and the manic grin of a true drug-fiend deep in the grip of an epic trip.
"You bastard, What are you on?", I screamed at him.
He glanced nervously around and reached into his pocket. I expected him to draw a weapon and prepared a cry to subdue him but he produced from his pocket a small shiny metal object.
He told me a Hobbit in Rivendell had sold him a ring for 4 stacks of lembas and an ancient iron cook set.
"Don't put it on, whatever you do", the Hobbit had told him, " Just rub in on your temple".
"What have you gotten us into you half-breed bastard!" I growled quietly. The crowd was looking crazed and dangerous. The last thing we needed was attention. Two tripped out strangers in the most dangerous bar in the Shire.
"Give it to me...this is far too dangerous a thing to be trusted to you" I snatched the ring and buried it in my pocket.
"Keep it secret and wait right here", I snarled and headed to the diminutive bathroom.
I squeezed into a tiny stall and took out the ring, rubbing it furiously on my temple with a desperation that should have had me run out of the shire like an evil one legged goblin.
"Bastard!" the half-wit had got taken again and had given away half our food.
I came out of the bathroom and the world exploded. A wind shrieked and the patrons eyes burst into flames. I heard a fell voice and the paranoia of a monsterous trip reared like an angry dragon.
Sal was nowhere to be found. I found out later the Bounders had come in force and the bastard had clobbered one and fled like a hunter in the 'moors.
I feigned dead and loped out the back door when the attention had turned to the Bounders savagely beating a burglar who had tried to hide in plain sight against the brutal floral wall paper in the Bird.
The Delving was shimmering and ugly in the haze of the ring trip I was on and I quickly bought a swift horse to Bree.
I arrived and the trip turned uglier and meaner. Everything seem to slow to a crawl and i realized I had made a huge mistake.
"Where is it! I need more of that Precioussss high!" I heard a voice i recognized through the white hot haze.
Sal came out of the blur and his busy fingers tried to find the ring. He had the look of a fire-eyed lizard but he shrank from my fist like a beaten dog.
"Fiend!, What is this foul thing?"
"As your attorney I advise you to give me another taste to verify". His logic was solid. But i rubbed it against him , not letting him hold the foul thing despite his mewling protests.
"We have to get to rivendell to find the crazed fuck that sold this to you....it's not meant for this world and we need our food back."
He agreed and we bought a swift horse to Rivendell.
We found the foul, evil bastard in Bilbo's rooms in the Homely House.
"Don't tell my uncle"...He was nervous and I knew we had the advantage despite the fact that we were on a curious and weird trip in the heartland of elfdom.
"This man is my attorney and we are considering legal action for the sale of stolen and misrepresented goods to an upstanding citizen of Middle Earth. Perhaps we can make an arrangement"...I fixed him with my stare of distraction and he looked away while i placed the ring on the chain around his neck.
"Flee you fiend!" I screamed at salvation and we fled from Rivendell like pederasts in Angmar With the sins of a thousands demons chasing us.
The history of Middle Earth is hard to know, because of all the hired hunters, but its seems reasonable to think that every once in a while the energy of a whole book comes to a head in a long fine flash, for reasons that nobody really understands at the time — and which never explain, in retrospect, what actually happened, Brandywine crashes.
So now, less than five hours later, you can go up on a steep hill in Michel Delving and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark — that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.
selah.
G.
I had taken heroic doses of Celeborn, Sweetleaf and pot of something yellow and vicious I had been given by a crazed Dwarf from the wrong side of Thorin's Hall. He said it was an extract from the toenails of an especially evil and savage troll. The bastard.
I wondered into the Bird and Baby to meet my attorney and champion Salvation. He was a Human and had the sense of a Dwarf but he was reliable like a half-breed dog. This was going to be the kind of night to keep your attorney close by for immediate legal advice and to bribe the right people. The Bounders would come. The bastards always did .
The Bird and Baby is a festering little wound in the heart of the Delving that reeks of stale beer and the wounded soul of a short leaderless people whose place in the world hangs by a thread. The dream of the Hobbits was dying and Bull didn't Roar any longer. They are savage drunkards who will attack without provocation any stranger if they smell weakness.
"Keep your back to the wall", I told my attorney. "These bastards will attack from behind." I could feel something evil and foul in the air.
I looked closer at him. He had the glazed expression and the manic grin of a true drug-fiend deep in the grip of an epic trip.
"You bastard, What are you on?", I screamed at him.
He glanced nervously around and reached into his pocket. I expected him to draw a weapon and prepared a cry to subdue him but he produced from his pocket a small shiny metal object.
He told me a Hobbit in Rivendell had sold him a ring for 4 stacks of lembas and an ancient iron cook set.
"Don't put it on, whatever you do", the Hobbit had told him, " Just rub in on your temple".
"What have you gotten us into you half-breed bastard!" I growled quietly. The crowd was looking crazed and dangerous. The last thing we needed was attention. Two tripped out strangers in the most dangerous bar in the Shire.
"Give it to me...this is far too dangerous a thing to be trusted to you" I snatched the ring and buried it in my pocket.
"Keep it secret and wait right here", I snarled and headed to the diminutive bathroom.
I squeezed into a tiny stall and took out the ring, rubbing it furiously on my temple with a desperation that should have had me run out of the shire like an evil one legged goblin.
"Bastard!" the half-wit had got taken again and had given away half our food.
I came out of the bathroom and the world exploded. A wind shrieked and the patrons eyes burst into flames. I heard a fell voice and the paranoia of a monsterous trip reared like an angry dragon.
Sal was nowhere to be found. I found out later the Bounders had come in force and the bastard had clobbered one and fled like a hunter in the 'moors.
I feigned dead and loped out the back door when the attention had turned to the Bounders savagely beating a burglar who had tried to hide in plain sight against the brutal floral wall paper in the Bird.
The Delving was shimmering and ugly in the haze of the ring trip I was on and I quickly bought a swift horse to Bree.
I arrived and the trip turned uglier and meaner. Everything seem to slow to a crawl and i realized I had made a huge mistake.
"Where is it! I need more of that Precioussss high!" I heard a voice i recognized through the white hot haze.
Sal came out of the blur and his busy fingers tried to find the ring. He had the look of a fire-eyed lizard but he shrank from my fist like a beaten dog.
"Fiend!, What is this foul thing?"
"As your attorney I advise you to give me another taste to verify". His logic was solid. But i rubbed it against him , not letting him hold the foul thing despite his mewling protests.
"We have to get to rivendell to find the crazed fuck that sold this to you....it's not meant for this world and we need our food back."
He agreed and we bought a swift horse to Rivendell.
We found the foul, evil bastard in Bilbo's rooms in the Homely House.
"Don't tell my uncle"...He was nervous and I knew we had the advantage despite the fact that we were on a curious and weird trip in the heartland of elfdom.
"This man is my attorney and we are considering legal action for the sale of stolen and misrepresented goods to an upstanding citizen of Middle Earth. Perhaps we can make an arrangement"...I fixed him with my stare of distraction and he looked away while i placed the ring on the chain around his neck.
"Flee you fiend!" I screamed at salvation and we fled from Rivendell like pederasts in Angmar With the sins of a thousands demons chasing us.
The history of Middle Earth is hard to know, because of all the hired hunters, but its seems reasonable to think that every once in a while the energy of a whole book comes to a head in a long fine flash, for reasons that nobody really understands at the time — and which never explain, in retrospect, what actually happened, Brandywine crashes.
So now, less than five hours later, you can go up on a steep hill in Michel Delving and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark — that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.
selah.
G.
